Years ago, I told a joke I probably should not have told.
There's nothing particularly wrong with the joke. It's something like this:
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
John.
John who?
John the Baptist.
As you say the last line, because you are devious and hilarious, you chuck a very small amount of water (in this case it was the last sip at the bottom of my very own drinking glass, which may have been a key error) on the person you are talking to.
Then, the way it's supposed to happen, everyone busts up laughing, and goes on with their lives.
I can't recall that I had ever told this joke before, and I don't think I have told it since. But I told it this one time, after a raucous dinner with people I did not know all that well.
I chucked the water. And as it was airborne, I was laughing, just sure it was all in good fun.
And ... then ... it ... landed. On the guy's shirt. As intended.
But ... trouble.
The mood of my victim went wholly south.
Steely silence. Cessation of all laughter. Perplexed looks. A sigh or two. A close examination of the accident site, just a little below the neckline.
The victim's loved ones jumped in to explain that this guy was very particular about, essentially, not having things chucked on him, or marring his clothes, or making him feel like a heel in that way.
Whoa. When you put it that way ... I mean, as much as a drop of water on a shirt would never upset me, it hadn't happened to me. I had made an assumption that it would all be ha ha funny, and yet to the only audience that mattered it simply was not fun at all.
And I was the instigator.
So, there you go. I apologized, and the dude eventually forgave me, and you know, then I knew.
The first time was some combination of my own ignorance, and just kind of general poor luck in the way that two well-meaning people conspired to create some hurt feelings.
The second incident, and I made sure there never was one, would have been my fault. Big time.
Now, about that Spanish basketball team and its allegedly harmless "slant eyes" team photo.
I linked to it on Monday with some vague little line about it being unfortunate, then kind of didn't want to get into it much more, for the simple reason that it's very hard for me to guess at what players from an entirely different culture may have been thinking.
To my way of thinking, that photo was the exact kind of callous, stupid, and juvenile behavior that used to take place all over the world, but has slowed dramatically now that people have begun to realize that different kinds of people all over the world are complex humans with emotions, too. Call it political correctness if you want, but here, in the United States of 2008, I think just about everyone knows this photo would hurt feelings.
But I really don't know much about the frame of reference from which these young Spanish men made the call. By their comments in response, the players all seem to think of themselves as innocent and open-minded. They were being "affectionate" said one. The idea that it was racist was "absurd" said another.
I suspect that is genuine, and that is really how they thought it would be taken.
For instance, like a guy who might have used the wrong "knock knock" joke at a dinner.
So, what's the big solution after this kind of little mess? First, recognize you are in a good situation, with all parties being well-meaning people, although perhaps with things to learn. Then you have to be a listener and a learner. As the maker of the thoughtless joke, it's on you to recognize that the offense was real, and it was your own doing, even if it doesn't square with your views and intentions.
In this case, I suspect I am not alone in having heard from all kinds of Asian people who, understandably and predictably, found the image horribly offensive. (Using the facts of people's appearance as comedy is just about the fastest way to offend people.)
But my thought is -- somehow or another everybody at that photo shoot seemed to think this was OK, and even funny.
Now they know they were wrong. And having been told -- in part by fans in attendance at their game against their host nation -- that in fact they did offend, there is nothing left for the Spanish players to do but apologize.
Then, most importantly of all, they should make certain they are never this kind of dumb again.
And that's why the thing that bothers me the most is that this photo, even after the brouhaha, is reportedly still being used in an ad campaign in Spain.
One dumb mistake is lamentable, and there has been fallout for the players, certainly. But the advertiser who commissioned the photo, and has seen the issue play out, and is reportedly still sticking with the campaign?
What kind of joke is that?
